The True Purpose of Relationships
Your relationship is not there to make you happy.
It is not there to satisfy your needs.
It is not there to help you escape your loneliness.
Its purpose is not for you to procreate,
although you might.
It is not there to provide you with a tax break,
although you should take that.
It is certainly not there for you to exploit,
by exerting power and control over the other.
It is not there to hold together the so called moral fiber of society.
It is not there for divine male and divine female
to merge through you and your partner.
It is there because God mandates it.
It is there as the mirror in which to see yourself clearly. That’s it.
Relationship produces pain for you so that you may
awaken to what needs to be worked on within yourself.
The pain, upset, discomfort caused in the relationship helps to
reveal the attachments we have and the inner working of our minds.
It could be as simple as feeling bad for not being complimented
on a new dress or as complex as getting upset with your partner
for giving away donation/stuff or making decision alone........
Seeing the trouble that attachment brings and realizing
that love and fear cannot coexist, what can be done?
Change your attitude towards relationship pain.
See it for what it really is, an opportunity for insight.
Watch closely how the storm of thoughts start to take control.
“I can’t believe he did this again, he does it every time, I have told him so many times before, he knows how important this is for me, he is so selfish and inconsiderate,why doesn’t he change, I am never going to speak to him again, … I am so right!”
On and on thought takes over and one is caught in the chaos.
This is childish and won’t help at all,
and the worst part is that a golden opportunity is being wasted.
An opportunity to observe the self in action and
perceive the root cause of the attachment.
Have you ever tried to observe the actual feeling,
the physical reality of what is taking place without interfering
and without getting carried away into all the mental threads?
By doing so, you will allow the fact of what is happening, anger,
jealousy, fear, etc. to reveal itself to you in its complete detail.
This is to understand by direct perception and allow insight to blossom.
This is the only approach that will root out and weaken attachment.
Any other reaction on your part to suppress the feeling,
or run away from it, or replace it with good feelings,
or psychoanalyze it, etc,
will simply leave the underlying causes intact only to have
the outburst happen again when the time is ripe.
All the upsets, big and small, simple and complex
have their roots in our attachments.
The attachments could be to security, money, sex, power, prestige,
name, fame, religion, children, family, country, comfort, food, etc.
It does not matter, our relationships, specially the intimate ones,
will poignantly reveal them to us.
As long as we have these attachments, and they are strong within us,
we live in fear and misery.
Afraid of not getting that which we want,
afraid of loosing it if we have it and fearful of those
on whom we depend on for their fulfillment.
Any relationship upon which you depend for your personal
gratification and security will eventually lead you to the mess of anger,
control, possessiveness, jealousy, fear and hatred.
This is relatively easy to see if we watch relationships in action.
So measuring the strength of one’s relationship
by the level of attachment is quite silly.
In fact, life will not allow such relationships to endure
and by producing a few storms she will eventually tear it
down and force a new one to be built.
On the other hand, when two self-sufficient people meet,
adore each other and enjoy each other’s company....
we have the makings of something special.........
~Mengenal diri melalui rasa Hati~